Kissing silhouette

What’s your number? A test of sex and depravity

February 11, 2018

Give yourself the indicated points for each yes answer and rate yourself at the end of the test:

1. Have you ever cheated on someone? (3)
2. Have you ever been cheated on? (1)
3. Have you kissed a person of the same sex (or vice versa if applicable)? (2)
4. Have you ever used a sex toy? (2)
5. Have you danced without leaving room for Jesus?(2)
6. Have you ever eaten and/or licked food, off of someone’s body? (3)
7. Have you ever performed oral sex on a partner? (3)
8. Have you ever swallowed? (5)
9. Have you made out with more than three people in the span of three hours? (3)
10. Have you slept with more than three people in the span of three hours? (5)
11. Have you participated in a threesome? (4)
12. Have you been part of an orgy? (5)
13. Do whips and chains excite you? (5)
14. Have you ever been tied up? (3)
15. Have you watched someone (in real life; aka not porn) have sex? (4)
16. Have you had sex while someone knowingly watched? (4)
17. Have you been filmed having sex? (5)
18. Have you ever had sex in exchange for money? (5)
19. Have you ever put an item inside your body, that is not meant to be put inside of the human body? (8)
20. Do you like to bite? (3)
21. Do you enjoy being choked (while having sex?) (5)
22. Do you have a vampire fetish (a la True Blood?) (10)
23. Do you enjoy being wrapped in leather and/or latex suits? (7)
24. Have you ever interacted with a “glory” hole, without knowing who the person was on the other side? (10)
25. Are you a member of the “mile high club”? (5)
26. Have you ever recreated a porno fantasy? For example: You can’t pay the pizza delivery boy for the pizza with extra large sausage you ordered, so you have to find some other way of paying him? (5)
27. Do you enjoy having your hair pulled during sex? (3)
28. If you could clone yourself, then make out and/or have sex with yourself, would you? (8)
29. Do you masturbate more than three times per day? (10)
30. Have you ever had sex in a public place? (5)
31. Do you drink before you have sex? (3)
32. Have you ever pulled a Spiderman (made out with someone while hanging upside down?) (5)
33. Speaking of which, have you ever “69’d”? (4)
34. Have you ever “68’d?” (Gone down on someone, than they owe you one?) (2)
35. Have you ever done the “eiffel tower”? (10)
36. Have you ever stuck a finger in your bum in the shower? (5)
37. Have you had anal sex? (3)
38. Have you been “finger-banged” in a bar? (2)
39. Have you given or received “road head?” (3)
40. Have you ever been defecated on, or defecated on someone, during sex? (20)
41. Do you enjoy “watersports”, “golden showers”, etc.? (5)
42. Have you had sex with a prostitute? (10)
43. Do you have a fetish you have never told ANYONE about? (5)
44. Do you enjoy cartoon/anime porn? (5)
45. Have you ever had sex with a dead body? (1,000)
46. Have you had a one night stand? (3)
47. Have you “tossed salad?” (3)
48. Have you had your “salad” tossed? (2)
49. Have you ever lied about a sexual encounter? (2)
50. Do you believe in life after love? (3)

RESULTS

0-50 points = Prudent Prince/Princess You’re arguably more modest than most. Some may even call you a prude. But you know what you are likely comfortable with. There’s more to life and relationships than just sex. You appreciate the value of getting to know someone before getting in their pants. However, it wouldn’t hurt to get to know yourself a little better and try some experimentation. If you push the boundaries of your comfort zone, you may surprise yourself. If your feet get cold, you can always put on some socks.

•••

50-100 points = Human in Heat You’ve dipped your feet in the pools of your libido and you enjoyed the lap of the water. While you haven’t necessarily dived in head first, you’ve had some good times wading in there. At this point in your life, you’ve likely had a few encounters with a few partners, most better than worse. Only one way to go from here. Feel free to dunk your head in and get wet.

•••

100-150 points = Sexual Savant An experienced humper, your lips and genitals have been around the block. That’s not to say that you’re necessarily a hoe (be you male or female), but you’ve had your fair share of fun. Nothing wrong with experiencing some sin on your skin. You enjoy indulging the desires nature has given you. When the wild calls, you come running, then pounce with the might of a tiger.

•••

150-200 = Veteran of the Venereal You’re a bit of a freak. A veteran of sexploits, you are adventurous and willing to explore the wilderness of your lust. You know what you like and how to get it, and you get it often. Not only that, you try new things, stretching your wings to see how far you can fly into the sexy sky. But be careful; the heat may feel good now, but get too close to the sun and you’ll be burned to a crisp.

•••

200-250 = Grand High Slut When Missy Elliott tells you to Get Ur Freak On, you laugh in her face, as you’re way ahead of her. Not only are you a freak, you’re likely on top of a freak right now, with another one underneath you and three more to the side. There’s nothing you won’t try. For your own sake, you may want to consider slowing down a little. But hey, YOLO, amiright?

•••

1000-plus = What in the name of all that is good and holy…?!
You need help.